Hi there so this may sound desperate but… i have around $600 left in my robin hood account after

Hi there so this may sound desperate but… i have around $600 left in my robin hood account after getting wrecked in this bear market, is there any put, call or single trade i can place that would guarantee me an absolute gain in the next couple of days or weeks? Please list them in the comments cheers..at this point screw everything bearish bullish fundamentals lets just get rich together